**What follows is the result of unease. A spontaneous reflection on observation. Wondering what happened to the vagabond? Read on, friend. It was in this moment that I realized the vagabond was gone.**
I began this blog as an experiment in some respects. I had no real intention of making it any more than it was destined to be.
So much has changed (the words of a million introspects across our world) since I began this frame for words.
The dark man in jeans and brown fleece jersey is jumping and dancing as if he really is happy. The music doesn’t judge him as it does me, I suppose. I find myself reading Pathfinder, Candle in the wind, and other posts from my past.
He’s jumping side to side now as the masses wale out the words on the screen. I think I’m the only one sitting.
He really seems happy, that man over there. In the isle. He’s clapping his hands.
I’m typing a message on my cellphone. Legs are crossed and I wonder if the usher notices how out of place my frown is. Why is his face so blank? She must ask herself. Except she doesn’t look at me.
Purple backdrops, flashing greens and blues. A man on stage who sings with passion. His face is illuminated in the spot-light. I can see every move he makes. His expression is sincere.
What does he look like when he is alone at home later in the evening, I wonder. Is he still smiling then? Does the dark man keep on dancing?
What about me – do I keep the same blank expression once home and alone? In the dark of my apartment, without purple lights to flare my emotions?
I think I mostly do – but it’s not as if I want to be this way.
No longer am I the vagabond. But did he die or is he merely dormant – or maybe I left him in Thailand, left him to wander the streets of Bangkok till the day he dies – having already died to me.
Who am I now? No longer a vagabond or a traveler or a wandering pathfinder. No longer a missionary or a dreamer. Not a romanticist or a student.
Now just a steel ball in a glass-cad maze, rolling this way and that. A rolling stone gathers no perspective. Or so they should have said, not while rolling in a maze at least.
**An inner dialogue whilst sitting in a church one day.**